The Gospel Centered Marriage: Love

If sin separates then love is one of the gospel qualities that is putting it back together. It sounds trite, silly, and like a country music song but its also true…love is the process of undoing and restoring the effect of sin. It’s true in our relationship with God, each other, and especially our marriage. Allow me to show you I Corinthians 13:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I Corinthians 13.

These are qualities of the divine, the qualities of Jesus. The Bible teaches that He is the groom and His church is the bride. Sin could have separated us from Him but love is how He put it back together. He chose to be kind. He chose to rejoice in the truth. He chose to protect. Jesus is our example of how to act and behave in a marriage.

He shows us that love is not to be overly romanticized. It is so much more then a fleeting feeling. It is a decision, it is a choice, and it is action.

Sin will tell us that we should get our way, that we deserve that. This will lead to all kinds of impatience because in a marriage there are two people who have opinions, thoughts, and desires. Love reminds us to be patient, listen, and serve.

Sin will tell us to say whatever we want to say in our anger, but love reminds us to be kind.

Sin will tell us to give up, but love reminds us to persevere.

Sin will tell us to never forget and bring up the past often, but love reminds us to keep no record of wrongs.

How does the example of Jesus become the way we live? We all want better marriages. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t wish they were more patient or more kind. We all want that. How does it happen? Let me show you what is becoming one of my favorite verses….

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory are being transformed into his image with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18

Step 1: Take off the veil/mask. It is very difficult to be changed or transformed when we are wearing a mask and pretending to be something we are not. Be real with God. When we name an area of weakness it makes us more aware and more open to God’s work in that area.

Step 2: Contemplate God’s glory. This is the idea of the gospel centered marriage. We focus on who Jesus is and what He came to do. We focus on Him and as we contemplate, the Spirit begins to transform us into His image.

As I mentioned in the first article, we can contemplate the Lord’s glory through music, reading, listening to sermons, conversations with friends, and podcasts. There are many ways to think about and meditate on Jesus, His work, and His character.

It never starts with a statement, “I’m going to be more loving.” That doesn’t work. It starts with a contemplation about how Jesus is more loving. The Spirit works through that discipline and it changes and transforms our relationships, especially our marriages.

The Gospel Centered Marriage: Part 1

Sin separates and sin destroys. We typically think about this truth in regard to our relationship with God. Think about the Genesis narrative. The story starts with the man and the woman living in the garden with God. They sin and they are so flooded with feelings of guilt and shame and regret that they hide from God.

While that is true, the God/man relationship was not the only one affected by sin. The husband/wife relationship was affected as well. In that same story Adam blames Eve for their sin. The relationship becomes more difficult. Sin separates and sin destroys.

You see this truth all throughout the Bible. Marriages, relationships, and people affected by their sin or the sin of someone else. But we don’t need to believe in the Bible or God to see this truth. Look around our world. We all know people whose lives have been affected by their own bad choices and mistakes. It’s depressing but its also true.

Then there is the gospel. If sin separates and sin destroys, the gospel teaches us how God is putting it back together. Again, we typically think about this in terms of our relationship with God. That Jesus came and lived a perfect life and died in our place so that we can have the relationship with God we were created to have. We are saved by His grace, forgiveness, mercy, and perfect life. Because of Jesus we can find life in God.

A huge part of the New Testament writings are reminding us of this truth and motivating us to love this truth. Because, when this gospel is internalized, celebrated, and embraced, it restores more then just my relationship with God, it has the power to restore our relationships including our marriages. Sin separates but the gospel restores.

So my problem with a lot of marriage counseling is it starts with this truth….do this. But I believe a healthy marriage starts with another truth…believe this. Believe in Jesus. Trust His grace. Be blown away by His mercy. Celebrate His life. It starts with Jesus. When that happens the gospel does what the gospel does…it restores. Obviously there is engagement required on both sides and a few other caveats to this truth but you get the general idea.

A gospel centered marriage is a marriage that honors, celebrates, and is focused on who Jesus is and what He accomplished. When this happens, there are qualities that Jesus demonstrates in the good news that find there way into our relationships. Among them are…..

Love

Service/Sacrifice

Endurance

Generosity

Honor

These qualities will transform any relationship when both parties engage but it starts with believing, celebrating, and internalizing the gospel of Jesus Christ. We can do this in several ways:

Read through the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John) and be reminded of what Jesus has accomplished.

Listen to Christian music.

Get involved in a church or small group.

Read the first couple chapters of any writing of Paul. He starts with the gospel and then moves on to relationships a few chapters in because an internalized gospel changes everything.

Over the next few weeks I will be writing about each of these gospel qualities. Hope you can join me.


The Best Way To Start A Revolution

If you were attempting to create a revolution you would probably do two things:

  1. You would gain influence with the influencers of the day.
  2. You would raise and gather as much money as you could.

Jesus didn’t do those things and appeared to do the opposite. In the week before His crucifixion He moved the masses from worship to calling for His execution. He ticked off the influencers by driving them from the temple courts. He is accused of waste when He allows a woman to anoint Him with expensive perfume.

Why?

Jesus knew what was required of Him. He knew His movement was going to be launched a different way. It was going to be launched through self sacrifice and subsequent resurrection.

The basis of His revolution wasn’t political it was love.

It wasn’t power, it was service.

It wasn’t physical, it was spiritual.

So, sometimes we are tempted to think that our fight is political or our fight is for influence and power. It’s not. It sounds cheesy but if you want to fight for something, fight to figure out how to demonstrate and show love.

That is a fight worth fighting.

Leadership Lessons: Michigan State Basketball Edition

Michigan State University plays with a poise and a maturity like few teams I have ever seen. The reason for that is they have a veteran coach and seasoned players. Over time and with great leadership they have learned to play well together. In a day and age where everyone is looking for the next star, Michigan State basketball teaches us that leadership and chemistry are still important. Because of it, they are going to a final four.

I think there are two lessons here for the church ….

First, be a great leader! If you want to know what that looks like, look to Jesus. He did not come to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for many. Many people want to be a star in their field but there is a difference between being a star and being a leader.

Stars look for the limelight, leaders encourage others to shine.

Stars look out for themselves, leaders lay their life down for the good of the team..

Stars are the loudest voice in the room, leaders are humble and spend more time listening.

Be the type of leader that serves, loves, and invests in others.

Second, build chemistry on your team. When I first started in ministry I underestimated how important relationships were on the team. Our leadership team suffered because of it. I’m still not great at this but by God’s grace I’m getting better. I would encourage any leader to spend time intentionally building those relationships, not just with you but with each other.

Have parties.

Grab lunch.

Drink lots of coffee together.

Travel to conferences.

I believe almost any environment can improve with servant leadership and great chemistry. You might even find yourself going to a Final Four.

Does Writing Still Matter?

There is so much noise in our world. So many podcasts, youtube videos, and visual content. Does writing still matter in our world? This blog is my attempt to find out. I have 3 goals with this blog…

The first is to encourage. I view this as a huge priority whenever I preach and communicate. I have a sincere belief that people are coming into a room or even a blog beat up, bruised, and defeated. I think preaching and writing has a way of lifting our eyes up and reminding us that God is God and God is bigger then our problems. My heartfelt prayer is that you will be regularly encouraged by this blog.

The second goal is to challenge. There are times when I believe our culture is leading us down the wrong path. This blog will interact with social norms like anger, judgment, being offended, and even digital media and push back a bit (or a lot) and remind us of the Jesus way.

The final goal is to equip. I am a ministry junkie. I love preaching and ministry and will certainly be writing quite a bit about best practices.

Those are my big goals but you will most certainly hear about my family, Michigan State Athletics, and a few book reviews along the way.

I won’t be updating this on any regular cycle. Some weeks I’ll write a lot and some weeks not so much. I look forward to interacting with you in the comments.

God Bless,

Steve