Embracing Regret

I recently saw a study that reported 4 out of 10 people feel a sense of regret around certain life decisions. They wish they had spent more time with kids, less time at work, and made healthier life choices. My reaction was pretty simple…only 4 out of 10? Are the other 6 lying?

Don’t we all have a sense of regret over certain decisions? A regret that says, “I wish I hadn’t bought that, said that, or taken that action.” Only 4 out of 10 feel any sense of regret?

Why?

We live in a culture that is desperate to be seen as moral, good, ahead of the curve, and better then most. This moral desperation makes it very difficult for us to embrace and own our regrets. Stated regrets own that we aren’t as moral as we might appear to be to others.

I think we have lost touch with our regrets because we have lost touch with grace. When you understand grace, you understand:

You can be forgiven of anything through the work of Jesus.

You can move forward to a new and better life. Grace says you don’t have to rinse and repeat past mistakes, you can move forward, empowered by Jesus, to make different and better decisions.

You are not defined by your regret. You are who Jesus says you are . You are a loved son/daughter of God and not the sum total of your past.

You are emboldened to make amends. Grace frees us to acknowledge what we have done and seek the grace and forgiveness of others. We will never pursue healing with others if we never acknowledge our sin.

Grace gives us freedom to look at our regrets.

That being said, regret shouldn’t consume our lives. If you are walking in regret, let me show you what the Apostle Paul said one time:

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Corinthians 7:10

Regret is only a good thing when it accomplishes a good thing. When it drives us to Jesus for His grace and new life, regret can be a positive attribute. It can also be healed and satisfied…salvation leaves no regret. When it drives us away from God and others in guilt and shame, regret can be very destructive. It can also fester and grow. We get to choose what we allow regret to do in us.

As I consider the study, my prayer is that 6 out of 10 have experienced the saving work of grace when it comes to their deepest regrets. They have no regrets because they have been loved out of them by Jesus.

I pray the same thing for you.

Adopted: Why God Chose This Language To Describe His Unending Love For You

4 But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, 5 to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship.[b]6 Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba,[c] Father.” 7 So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. Galatians 4

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.[f] And by him we cry, “Abba,[g] Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. Romans 8

I am very drawn to this adoption language that Paul uses in these texts. Several years ago my wife and I made the decision to adopt and these texts have leapt off the page to me ever since. I believe God chose adoption language for a reason:

Adoption is a process that results in blessing. There were times in the adoption process that we were frustrated, discouraged, and worried but all of that melted away when we brought our children home. The process ended with the blessing of two incredible children.

Jesus underwent a process to ensure our adoption as sons and daughters. He left heaven. He was born and lived a life. He endured temptation. He started a ministry. He went to the cross. He rose from the dead. The end result of the whole process was blessing. We are able to call God our Father. We have an inheritance set for us in heaven. We have received the Holy Spirit who changes us and empowers us. We have received grace upon grace. We are blessed to be His children.

Adoption is a language of choice. I have had multiple friends through the years that described their conception as a happy accident. No one has ever accidently been adopted. It requires home studies, planning, effort, and lots of paperwork.

Your adoption as a son or daughter was planned by God. He made a choice to send His son Jesus for our salvation and redemption. Jesus made a choice to go. When God saw what our sin was doing to our relationship with Him, in short, He made an adoption plan. He executed His plan and He achieved His goal. This ought to make us feel extraordinarily loved by God. He chose us! This truth also motivates us to accept His invitation to be adopted and join His family.

Adoption is a language of timing. Almost every adopted family that I talk to has an overwhelming sense of God’s timing in their adoption. I will say that in both of our adoptions we can see how God’s timing and plan was at work the entire time to unite us with our children and make us a family. This is easier to see in the rear view mirror then the windshield. In the windshield it requires faith to believe God is at work.

This is true on a macro level. There came a time when the Father decided to send the Son to earth. For God, this was the perfect time for His son to be born to a woman, under the law to redeem those under the law that we might receive sonship. Why was that the perfect time? That truth lies in the heart of God alone.

I believe timing works on a micro level as well. God has been at work in your life personally so that you might see His Son and accept His invitation to be adopted into His family. He works through circumstances, people, and the Bible just to name a few ways. Again, this ought to make us feel extraordinarily loved that God is going to these lengths to adopt us as sons and daughters.

Through faith, and by grace, you are invited to be adopted into God’s family. He is a good Father who gives good gifts. My prayer is that you would see His love, accept His invitation, and enjoy Him.

Jeffrey Epstein And The Problem Of Us

“Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.” Unknown

Our American culture has been sexually charged for a long time. My dad is 71 and in his lifetime we have moved from a married couple sleeping in separate beds to what we see on TV most nights of the week. I am often appalled by commercials in prime time while we are watching a basketball game with our kids. We have come a really long way and not in a good way.

I understand how it happens, because as a culture…..

We have watched the TV shows.

We have laughed at the commercials.

We have bought the products they are selling.

We have streamed the content.

“Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.”

You read the articles about Jeffrey Epstein and every person I know is shocked, appalled, and horrified. The story is a grotesque example of the super rich taking whatever they want at the expense of anyone and everyone. It is appalling. It is depraved. It is the worst of our society.

I’m sure there are plenty of people to blame. You can look at his childhood and upbringing. You can look at the governing authorities who didn’t do their job and hold him accountable. You can look at the rich and powerful who turned a blind eye. You can look at Epstein himself who is accountable for his actions.

But, what about culture?

Let me ask it another way: Is Jeffrey Epstein a predictable result of a culture that has lost their way? Is he a predictable result of a culture who has turned away from God’s plan for sex, marriage, and purity? Maybe Jeffrey Epstein isn’t just a super rich problem, a powerful people problem, a depraved personality problem, or even just a governing authority problem. Maybe Jeffrey Epstein, at least in part, is an us problem. You and me.

Maybe we need stop laughing.

Maybe we need to stop watching.

Maybe we need to stop streaming.

Maybe we need to stop buying.

In addition to pointing fingers, and believe me, many fingers need to be pointed and people held accountable, but in addition to that, maybe we need to look in a mirror. Maybe we need to ask, am I contributing to this sexually charged and immoral culture?

When a story like this breaks it is an opportunity. You can seize the opportunity to be angry and cynical….this story certainly provides plenty of opportunity for those things. But, maybe, there is another opportunity. An opportunity to reflect, make changes, and turn to God.

Demanded Patriotism

We have become very defensive about patriotism. We expect people to be at least as patriotic as we are and to feel about the country the same way we do. This expectation has led to many Facebook fights, strained relationships, and hurt feelings.

But, why? Why are we so demanding about patriotism?

To be honest, there are legitimate reasons why a person might not be as patriotic as another:

Imagine a Vietnam Veteran who was drafted to serve in that war. The war had a profound impact on his mental health and when he came home, he was yelled at and mocked. He pays his taxes and lives a quiet life but is not overtly patriotic. His experience has impacted his patriotism.

Imagine a immigrant who moved to America for opportunity. She works hard and sends some money to her parents, but a piece of her heart will always be in her home country. Her experience has impacted her patriotism.

Imagine a African American teenager who grows up in a racist community. It’s hard and something that he lives with just about every day. He is grateful for opportunity, but his experience has impacted his patriotism.

Patriotism used to be more of a personal virtue. Not private but personal. We understood, as a nation, that many experiences could shape and mold a person’s patriotism in unique ways. You could feel the way you feel and express your thoughts and I could express mine.

This view of patriotism motivates empathy, compassion, and understanding for another person’s story. We have come a long way from this view. Patriotism is insisted upon by many in our culture. What happened?

As a pastor I have an opinion. At some point patriotism moved from a point of view that we have to an idol that we worship. Misplaced gods, or idols, almost always make people defensive.   We feel good about God defending himself, but we never really have confidence in an idol to defend itself. So, people tend to get aggressive and animated defending idols.

I really prefer to think about patriotism as a personal virtue verses a demanded/shared cultural expression. It allows for grace toward another person’s story and leaves me with nothing to defend. It also leaves God as the sole expression of our worship and that is the thing our nation needs most.

Don’t Give Up On The Church

I love the church. I grew up in the church and have walked with several churches during several different seasons of life. Some of those seasons have been joyful and fun seasons of growth. Some of those seasons have been painful and hard seasons of loss. I think sometimes we are disappointed by the church because we forget who she is and who she isn’t:

She Is Not A Political Machine: The purpose of the church is not to further a political agenda. On the contrary, in Galatians 3 Paul writes, “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male or female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” The church is not to serve the political agenda of the Republicans or Democrats, the church is to serve the agenda of Jesus.

She Does Not Primarily Exist To Serve You: Now don’t misunderstand me, there are times you will be served by your church. Times of loss, pain, hardship, and burn out. There will be many times you need to be served. You must allow yourself to receive. However, you are gifted by God and placed in a church by Him for the purpose of building up and serving the body. You are called to serve not just to be served!

Many people become disillusioned with the church because they are not being served. The reality is you and I are created to serve the body…so, dive in, serve, and I think you will find your church experience as you live out your true calling.

She Is Not A Concert Hall For Your Entertainment: We are entertaining ourselves to death in this culture. It’s easy to transfer that expectation to your church and come with an expectation that you will be entertained by your pastor. Now, the word of God is not boring and should never be presented as such but you get my point. The chief goal is not to be entertained.

When the chief goal is to be entertained we miss out on truth that might be challenging, difficult to understand, or difficult to apply. Sometimes those truths are the ones that make the biggest difference of all.

She Is Not Perfect: You will be hurt your church because the church is not a perfect place or a perfect people. For some of you, this your story. You were hurt, lied about, angered in some way. Some of it might be misplaced expectations, you thought it would be a perfect place and it’s not.

I think when these expecations of perfection,. entertainment, service, and politics take hold of our heart and our mind, it is easy to become discouraged, disillusioned, and disenfranchised. It’s easy to leave the church. Today, I want to remind you of what the church is and how beautiful she can be. So, what exactly is the church:

The Church Is A Bride: Specifically, the Bride of Christ. So, one of the sweet spots of the church ought to be pointing people to Jesus. Certainly Jesus is pointing people to the bride. He loves the bride and gave Himself for her. Jesus wants to see every person involved in a local church. The Bride does the same thing. Jesus points people to the church and the church points people to Jesus. He loves them, cares for them, forgives them, and can change them. The church must, rigidly, hold to it’s mission of pointing people to Jesus.

The bride metaphor also reminds us this is a relationship we are involved in and not an institution we join. We give up on institutions. We cancel memberships. We forgive in the context of relationships. Forgive the bride.

The Church Is A People: We need the Holy Spirit from Jesus but we also desperately need other people. This is one of the primary ways the Spirit works….through others in the context of church. There are not that many places in the world where you can still connect with live people, the church is one of those places. Every week, in communities all over the world, people are encouraging each other, praying, offering advice, exchanging Scripture, and well, being the church.

The Church Is A Body: The Apostle Paul uses this metaphor in the context of serving. You are a part of the Body of Christ. God has gifted you and placed you in a specific place at a specific time for a specific reason. I believe this with great passion. You are a part of the body of Christ for the purpose of difference making. If you are a mouth, serve others well with words of encouragement. If you are a foot, serve others well by going to them and meeting their needs. If you are an ear, serve others well by listening to them.

The church isn’t perfect but she is beautiful. She is worth investing in. She is worth serving. She is worth another chance. She is worth showing grace.

The Lead Dancer

The book of Galatians is a writing by Paul that exalts two important truths:

  1. The Sufficiency Of Christ: His work, righteousness, Holy Spirit, and grace is enough for our salvation. It is enough to secure our eternity. It is enough to bring about life change. It is enough to give us joy, hope, and peace. He is enough.
  2. This Grace Is For Everyone: Everyone is invited to know and follow Jesus. The invitation has been mailed and you are invited to the party.

This, however, begs a question that people have been asking for 2000 years. What about law? What about the do’s and the do nots? Is the law obsolete? Is the law old fashioned? Should the law be followed by New Testament Christians?

Allow me to use a illustration that I am a bit unfamiliar with but I think works….dance. The law of the Old Testament and the message of the New Testament are meant to dance together. Now, don’t misunderstand, Jesus takes the lead in the dance. His grace, work, and life are leading the entire time. Law is the secondary dancer following the lead of the main dancer, Jesus. But, with Jesus in the lead, we begin to see some of the beauty and grace of the law.

The law becomes a way for us to see Jesus. He was, after all, the Word/Law become flesh.

The law becomes a reminder of the grace we desperately need.

The law becomes a reminder of the Holy Spirit (power) we need to live a righteous life.

The law is a really beautiful thing as a secondary dance partner. As a primary dance partner it becomes a source of pride, judgment of others, and anger. But, with Jesus taking the lead, it becomes this beautiful, incredible, and noble thing that points us to our Savior.

This is why it is so important we never lead with law. Law is a terrible lead dancer. We lead with grace. We lead with Jesus.

Moral Decline, Grace, And The Nature Of Change

Watch the news, surf the internet, or browse social media and it doesn’t take long to be concerned about our sense of morality as a nation. Honestly, it doesn’t take long to be concerned about our sense of morality as the church. I think it raises an interesting question, “What should be the churches central message in our current culture?”

Our church has been studying the book of Galatians in the New Testament and they were asking this question 2000 years ago. It seemed that some were advocating setting aside grace in favor of the law. In a culture that is experiencing moral decline, it is very tempting to preach law over grace believing that law will result in righteousness, obedience, new life, and a changed culture. It might in the short term but it doesn’t in the long term.

Paul, however, took a different approach. He doubled down on grace, saying, “I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing.” Galatians 2:21. One of the biggest misconceptions about grace is that it results in sinfulness. It does not. Grace results in righteousness, grace changes everything it touches.

The engine of change is grace centered love:

Love will always be a driving and dominating force to live righteous and holy lives. Imagine for a moment that your state removed all speed limit restrictions. Our knee jerk response is to think that we would speed everywhere, but that’s not true. You know where you wouldn’t speed? In front of your kids school. On the road where your wife jogs every morning. Near your house where your kids and their friends play. Why? Love is a dominating force that drives your behavior.

The doctrine of grace should create in us an appreciation, love, and respect for what Jesus has accomplished on the cross. This love, when cultivated, drives us to live different, holy, and righteous lives.

The engine of change is grace centered relationship:

The Apostle Paul wrote, “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3: 18

The message of grace is that we are invited into a relationship with Jesus. Relationship with Jesus is a gift. It is in this relationship that we see, contemplate, and think about His glory, in other words, who He is. It is in the context of this relationship and contemplation that the Spirit does His work and transforms us and changes us. We become more like Jesus, which is very good news, because Jesus was and is and will always be….Awesome!

The engine of change is grace centered power:

We are powerless to change ourselves. It is the Spirit’s power that changes us. We contemplate. He changes. We tend to think of grace as the forgiveness of sins and that’s true, but the power to change is grace as well.

The temptation is to have the dominant message be change! The temptation is to lead with righteousness. The temptation is to lead with law. No, we lead with grace. We lead with Jesus. We lead with His power not ours. Grace will do it’s work….it always does.

The Temptation Of The Preacher

Our church started a new series on the book of Galatians. I am writing the series with 4 other preachers. It is a great book and it highlights one of my favorite topics ever…grace. That being said, Galatians has proven challenging to preach and write. I think there are a couple of reasons for it:

  1. Complicated Back Story. The back story, specifically the circumcision debate of the New Testament, is absolutely critical in understanding the book of Galatians. I find myself having to go over the back story each week and it feels a bit repetitive and redundant.
  2. Paul’s Personal Defense. In the first couple chapters of Galatians Paul is defending his standing as a church leader and apostleship. Because Paul is addressing a specific attack/criticism, he writes assuming everyone knows what he is talking about. The people living in Galatia did, but the churches in Decatur, IL in 2019 are left to surmise. Based on history and the book of Acts we have some pretty good ideas what he was defending himself against. Even so, these early texts in Galatians are hard to preach because they are so personal to Paul and hard to apply to the lives of others.
  3. Unfamiliar Issues. Circumcision is not the issue for us that it was for them. There isn’t anyone advocating that you have to be circumcised in order to be a Christian. So the task of the preacher is to try and make an unfamiliar issue a familiar one by drawing a modern day parallel. This is very challenging in the book of Galatians.

I have found that Galatians, so far, has exposed a few things in me as a preacher:

  1. The need to be engaging. I find myself worrying that the history lesson in each sermon, the back story, won’t be interesting for people to hear. If a sermon is not engaging, is it a good sermon? This question is a year round struggle for me as I preach.
  2. The need to be funny. I like to be funny, but to be honest, I think I like to be funny for me. It helps me to feel more comfortable and at ease while I am preaching. A few sermons in this series have felt a bit more academic than funny and it makes me ill at ease. If a sermon isn’t funny, is it a good sermon?
  3. The need to be relevant. I am a practical applicator by personality and nature. In other words, I like to draw out those parallels from the first century to modern day. I find that fun. Galatians is stretching me on this front and I am thankful to have 4 friends writing with me and giving me their insights. If a sermon is not relevant, is it a good sermon?

Here is the truth: the primary task of the preacher is not to be engaging, funny, or relevant. The primary task of the preacher is to be faithful to God and His text. These are His words for His people. His letter. I am called to deliver the mail.

This amazing thing happens through the faithfulness of the preacher: the Holy Spirit works through the text to change and transform people. In this day and age preaching should not work. Our culture is so media and image driven, spoken word should not work. Yet it does. I can tell you it doesn’t work because of the wit and charm of the preacher. It works because of the faithfulness of the Spirit.

I think its okay and good to apply the text, use humor, and be relevant but these must not overshadow the preacher’s primary responsibility…faithfulness to the text. Be faithful and watch what God does with His words.

Aladdin And Friendship With God

My mom passed away in 1993 when I was 17. During the weeks and months that followed I experienced a ton of restlessness, fear, and anxiety. At some point I had been given a CD of the soundtrack of Aladdin (it has always been my favorite Disney movie). During that dark period of time I got in the habit of listening to the soundtrack as I fell asleep. To this day I can quote those songs word for word.

Over the Memorial Day weekend my son and I went to see the live action version. I anticipated really enjoying the movie and it did not disappoint. I thought it was great, well acted, and well sung despite some poor reviews. That being said, I didn’t anticipate having an emotional response to the songs that helped me sleep 25 years ago. The emotion wasn’t an ugly cry, the emotion was gratitude.

Grateful for my son who was eating popcorn by my side. Grateful for my incredible wife and daughter who were hanging with family for the afternoon. Grateful for both sides of our family that we got to see on that trip. Grateful for faith, church, and spiritual family. Grateful for the joy, hope, and peace that only Jesus can bring. Grateful for the work that God has done in my life the last 25 years.

One of my favorite songs in the film is the song, “You ain’t never had a friend like me.” It is a song about how Aladdin becomes friends with this powerful genie. Aladdin’s entire world can change with 3 well thought out wishes. By the end of the movie it isn’t the wishes that have changed Aladdin’s life it’s the friendship with the genie.

I was reminded of something Jesus said to His early followers in John 15:

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.

Jesus is a great friend. As I reflect on the last couple decades of my life I am overwhelmed by that truth. He has been so good to me. He has been so present with me. He has been so gracious with me.

Are you overwhelmed, tired, or hurting? Look to Jesus. He isn’t the genie that will give you everything you wish for but He is a great friend. You might find out that is thing you were looking for all along.

I Will Do My Best To Not Offend You

Sometimes it is inevitable. If you are offended by a core belief that I have, I will do my best to handle that with grace, kindness, and compassion but sometimes offense is inevitable. Jesus taught this very thing when He said, “if the world hates you, understand it hated me first.” John 15: 18

That being said, I believe there are some things I can do to limit the amount of times that I offend you. This is the lesson the Apostle Paul is teaching in Romans 14. He is writing about how we avoid offense over “disputable matters.” In other words, matters of opinion. In this text he is talking about eating food sacrificed to idols. It was a hotly debated issue that Paul believed was a matter of conscience. I’ll get into this more on Sunday morning. He writes a beautiful passage that I call The Pauline Oath. It teaches us how to avoid offense:

13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. 14 I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean. 15 If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy someone for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. 17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, 18 because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

19 Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. 20 Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a person to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble. 21 It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

22 So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

The Pauline Oath says, on matters of opinion and conscience:

I will not pass judgment on another person:

Because matters of conscience should be kept as matters of conscience. I will allow more people to have their opinion while keeping mine. This agree to disagree mentality is so important and is disappearing from our culture.

I will not hurt another person by intentionally leading them into sin:

I will not intentionally make anyone really angry. I will not agitate by rubbing salt into an argument. I will not be divisive over things that really are not that important.

I will make every effort to do what leads to peace because I will not destroy the work of God over any disputable matters:  

I will understand that, regardless of the situation, I am bound by God’s law to love. So, I will put on my gloves and get into the arena and figure out how to fight for love. If I am a Democrat I will figure out how to love Republicans. If I am a Republican, I will figure out how to love Democrats. If I cam a Cubs fan I will figure out how to love Cardinals fans. If I’m a Cardinals fan I will stop condescending to Cubs fans. Why? The work of God is too important to break relationship over sports or politics. So, I will strive for peace, search for unity, and fight for love.

I will keep more matters between myself and God:

I will realize that I don’t need to publicly share every opinion I have. Some things are between me and God.

As I have worked through a bunch of passages on being offended for a sermon series we are in, Romans 14 spoke to me in a unique way. I think Paul was on to something. What would happen if, as a culture, we all took the Pauline Oath?