There are no perfect families. The perfect family is a myth perpetuated by moments in time captured by social media. Social media captures a moment in time, it does not capture the whole picture. You might see a picture of the smiling and perfect family, but you didn’t see the meltdown, fight, or argument just minutes before. No one is posting that picture. Every family is imperfect because every family is filled with sinners.
Because there are no perfect families, every family needs grace as a core part of their family identity. Families that thrive are families that have grace, love, and forgiveness for one another. Because of sin, without grace families flounder.
This is Paul’s point in Ephesians 5:
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”[a]
4 Fathers,[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Paul directly applies certain attributes to certain members of the family. It helps us to see the relevance of the trait, but throughout scripture each of these attributes are tied to every follower of Jesus. We are called to love one another, serve one another, and submit to one another. These traits directly flow from our understanding of grace, and they will absolutely transform our families.
Respect is a grace attribute. As a matter of fact, in any culture where grace has been eroded, respect has also been eroded. Grace reminds us that every human being was died for by Jesus and so every human being receives respect from me. It rises above their behavior and chooses a grace filled response.
Sacrificial love is a grace attribute. It refuses to be self-seeking and leans into service and care for the other person. It is absolutely motivated by the work of Jesus on the cross who self-sacrificed for the good of humanity.
Submission is a grace attribute. Submission says I will voluntarily lay down my will for the will of another person. It’s never forced…that is subjugation and abusive. It is voluntarily and joyfully done to serve the relationship. Again, motivated by the work of Jesus, who, for the joy set before Him endured the cross for our grace.
Obedience is a grace attribute. When a child sacrifices their desire in order to obey their parents, they are living out a grace narrative. A narrative that seeks to bring peace not division to relationships. A narrative that seeks to serve the interests of others and not just my own.
Often, this passage in Ephesians is taught in a very pragmatic way. This works. This is the best way to do family. This is God’s design. I think those things are true to a large degree.
However, this passage cannot be understood outside of the context of grace. It is not just practical, it is theological. Reread the passage, paying special attention to the underlined parts, and see how much of this text is tied to Jesus, His work, and His grace.
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”[a]
4 Fathers,[b] do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Practical instruction for families is helpful and good. However, the best thing we can do in our families is to keep grace present. Teach your children about grace. Celebrate grace. Read about grace. Listen to music that lifts up grace. Practice grace daily even in the small or seemingly insignificant moments. Keep grace present and watch what flows from that grace. Our imperfect families, culture, and relationships desperately needs grace to be present.
Encourage, Challenge, and Equip 