Joshua Harris, author of the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” has recently criticized and distanced himself from his bestselling work of the 1990’s. He has said that he no longer identifies as a Christian. It was this book that allowed Harris to become an icon of the purity culture that included “True Love Waits” and purity rings in the 1990’s. Harris’ criticism of his work includes the following:
There are other weaknesses too: in an effort to set a high standard, the book emphasized practices (not dating, not kissing before marriage) and concepts (giving your heart away) that are not in the Bible. In trying to warn people of the potential pitfalls of dating, it instilled fear for some—fear of making mistakes or having their heart broken. The book also gave some the impression that a certain methodology of relationships would deliver a happy-ever-after ending—a great marriage, a great sex life—even though this is not promised by Scripture.
I think one of the mistakes of the purity culture was talking about purity without talking about grace. It is a love of Jesus and a love of His grace that drives our desire for purity. In Jesus’ sermon on the mount (Matthew 5) the blessing for the pure in heart comes after the blessing of those that are merciful. We must learn mercy before we can learn purity.
In a Biblical context we teach grace first. Grace will do its work. The church, historically, has been afraid that grace will result in sinfulness. It will not when properly understood. When understood, internalized, and celebrated….grace, empowered by the Holy Spirit, begins to change us and transform us into Jesus. Grace is more then just a belief….it is a prism through which we live life, make decisions, and treat others. Grace is truly transforming.
The purity movement of the 1990’s was responding to their culture. You can read more about that culture by following this link. I think there ought to be a spirit of grace in the church for those that were trying to address an issue and didn’t address it perfectly. It is easier to see that in the rear view mirror than it is in the windshield. Most of us that are growing and changing will have a similar feeling in 20 years. I already have that feeling about some of my beliefs from my mid 20’s. There is grace that meets us in that space.
As for Joshua Harris, he is processing his faith and processing his beliefs. We shouldn’t be afraid of this, a faith that is honestly owned is the best kind of faith. My prayer is that grace meets him where he is at and does a transforming work. In essence, my prayer is that grace does what grace does. It is my same prayer for you.
Encourage, Challenge, and Equip 